Thursday, July 24, 2014

Once Upon A Time

Me and my Alexander
Once upon a time a blogger gave birth to a boy. While it was not the first time in history that such a thing had taken place, it was the first time for this particular blogger. She was swept away in the beauty and miraculousness of the situation. She spent hours simply staring at her little miracle wondering exactly how she had been so blessed. She spent her days talking and reading to her little one. She dressed him in all types of various outfits and costumes. She sang to him and cried with him. She lost sleep over him.  She prayed for him and consoled him. She had days when she felt like a champion and days when she felt like a failure. She forgot about everything else in the world around her. She didn't blog, she didn't write and, except for the picture books she read aloud to her son daily, she didn't read. From the outside it began to look as though she had lost herself completely, or that she had abandoned all of her passions in order to transform into the form known solely as "Mommy."

However, this perception couldn't be further from the truth. As the days and weeks went by, as this new mommy completed her postpartum recovery and as she sat for two days in a hospital after a surgery due to an infection run wild in her system, she began to dream of writing again. Little by little this mommy wanted to be a blogger again, she wanted to be a writer again and she wanted to read again - this time not only for herself, but also for her little boy. She decided it was time to break free from her maternal cocoon to be something similar to what she once was, but greater. When she felt healthy enough and when she found some private moment, she stole away to dig out her old passions.

Then her computer died.

This only gave her more time to consider her decision. Was it selfish of her to want to return to her passions so soon? She decided it was not. She decided that part of being a great mom is ensuring that her life still had personal fulfillment. She decided that if she needed to buy a new a computer, even at this very expensive time of her life, it was worth the investment. Luckily, it did not come to that in the end. Her computer was wiped clean and presented to her like a new machine for her to begin again.

Beginnings are so exciting. When a story lover hears or reads the words, "Once upon a time," the hairs on the back of their neck stand on end with anticipation. When the lights dim in a theater around a movie lover, their hands clench the arm rests as they prepare for the film reel to spin. When a person hears the first cries of their first born child, their life transforms instantaneously. And when a writer sits before a blank page or screen their heart skips a beat and their fingers tremble.

It is time for me to begin again. For those of you who have hung around waiting for my return, I thank you and hope you are not disappointed by whatever happens next (I am still unsure of what kind of monumental impact this child will have upon my writing - he has shaken every part of my body and soul in ways I could have never anticipated!). For those of you who are beginning this journey with me here and now - welcome! 

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations and welcome back! It's important to still cultivate your own interests, even as a mother. I don't think it's selfish at all. You still need to be you as much as one day he'll need to be his own person. Good luck with whatever life brings you in the future.